Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Morning Report

Good morning, one and all.  this is your trusty reporter coming to you, not from the KMOS studios in beautiful downtown *****, Kansas, but today we are reporting on site from the annual cow-chip throwing contest, barbeque, and 3 county flea market. (Not particularly in that order.)  Later, after the barbeque, there is usually a dance, if it can be called that.  By that time of night the musicians are in no condition to be playing any kind of music.  But then not many of the crowd is either.  Uncle Tom of Uncle Tom's Spa and Educational Film Studio fame usually provides most of the refreshments, and some of the later entertainment. I stopped by his tent a little earlier to check out the wares. Well some of the wares.   The wife was with me!  The "cider" looks really good.  Some of the aged bottles have yesterday's date on them. Some of the fresher stuff has tomorrows date on them.  He'll get rid of the "aged" stuff first.  By then the the other will be about right.  Or at least that is what they tell me!  (Wife still here!)   I'll check on progress here later.  Hee-Hee-Hee.

This is about the most exciting thing to happen around here lately.  Everybody been busy with spring stuff.  Of course Uncle tom is making sure he will have enough makins' for his "cider".  Ole Leroy down by the creek is getting his "garden" planted.  He told me he was going to try some different varieties this year.  He said the "ditch  weed" just ain't cuttin' it anymore. 

I guess there was an exciting thing the other night.  Richard Edward, more affectionately know as Dick Ed, was here from the city visiting relation.  They took him snipe hunting.  Now Dick Ed is not the sharpest pencil in the box, so I have no idea how long they left him out there holding that bag. 

Granny Smith is back from the doctor again.  Still having "female" troubles she says.  In this reporters opinion it is still that young doctor. Word around Uncle Tom's was that she wanted to get a breast enhancement.  One of the "guests", who shall remain nameless, thought it might be a little late, as they looked like bars of soap in a pair socks.  Not sure why, or how he is an authority on that. Didn't ask.  Didn't want to know.  Way too much information for this reporter.

Walking back through the crowd, I see they are getting warmed up for the cow-chip toss.  Oops, that one was a little fresh.  They really should move the chip toss a little farther from the barbeque pit.  Only my opinion.  Just thinking.....

This is your faithful reporter returning you to our studios in beautiful downtown ***** Kansas for our regular scheduled program--How to fix rattlesnake with just about anything. 

God Bless America--johnnyb


  1. This reminds me of a local towns newspaper. Listing who had visitors, the latest gossip and police reports. keep up the good work.