Thursday, February 16, 2012

Paraprosdokians

PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a
> sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
> (Winston Churchill loved them.)
>
>
>              1.  Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
>
>              2.  The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's
> still on my list.
>
>              3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people
> appear bright until you hear them speak.
>
>              4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
>
>              5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in
> public.
>
>              6. War does not determine who is right - only who is
> left.
>
>              7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is
> not putting it in a fruit salad.
>
>              8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,'
> then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
>
>              9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal
> from many is research.
>
>            10. Buses stop in bus stations.  Trains stop in train
> stations. On my desk is a work station.
>
>            11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
> paychecks.
>
>            12.  In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case
> of emergency, notify:'  I put 'DOCTOR.'
>
>            13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming
> you.
>
>            14.  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
> down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they
> are sexy.
>
>            15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the
> fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
>
>            16.  A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
>
>            17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You need a
> parachute only to skydive twice.
>
>            18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
> easier to live with.
>
>            19. There's a fine line  between cuddling and holding
> someone down so they can't get away.
>
>            20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
>
>            21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
>
>            22.  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
> whatever you hit the target.
>
>            23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
>
>            24.  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>
>            25.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
> than standing in a garage makes you a car.
>
>            26.  Where there's a will, there are relatives.

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